Picking Up Strange Women
by Shardarch
Summary: An experiment, in four-part harmony. With feeling. No modifiers were hurt in the production.


Disclaimer: No money being made, no infringment intended. I just love to listen to 'em talk.

Picking Up Strange Women  
  
Ever had one of those dreams? Those really weird dreams where you can hear and feel but not see? Voices come and go but eventually you can make out words . . .  
  
"Guys, this is a bad idea."  
"Oh yeah? Well, what do you suggest, fearless leader?"  
"Well - we could take her to a hospital emergency room."  
"Um - how exactly is that going to work, Leo? 'Hey, we found this girl and she fainted and by the way, we're not giant talking turtles.' I don't think so."  
"I hate to say this but Mikey might be right."  
"See? Don agrees with me."  
"I wouldn't go that far."  
"Look, I know we can't leave her here -"  
"Right. So we gotta take her back to the lair. Master Splinter'll get her fixed up and -"  
"We can't risk it. We can't be seen."  
"Reality to Leo. She's already seen us."  
"Shut up, Mike."

Smell can play a big part in dreams, too. Ordinary scents like toothpaste and motor oil can show up in unexpected places. Things totally familiar - the sweaty tang of an exercising body, the watery musk of aquariums and reptile exhibits - can blend to form something very strange indeed.  
  
"Is she heavy?"  
"Nah. They're lighter than they look, I guess."  
"You can't generalize from such a small sample, Mike. Any data gathered should be checked against a wide range of -"  
"Oh, man, don't encourage him, Brainiac. We'll have Mike running around trying to hoist girls all over town. Leo'll have a heart attack."  
"Cool. I'm a chick magnet!"  
"Master Splinter will have a heart attack when we get to the lair. We're not even supposed to be out here."  
"Just following you lead, bro."  
"My lead? Raph, I was trying to stop you. If these two idiots hadn't run by -"  
"Hey! It was something just to get that mouser working again. Any technical achievement is a victory."  
"Yeah. And it's really cool, too."  
"Thank you, Mikey, for that well-reasoned argument."  
"No prob - hey!"  
"This isn't getting us anywhere."

Sensation is a tricky thing in dreams. Something as safe as being carried like the child you once were is transformed by arms strong and secure but wrong. The gentle touch of a hand is not reassuring when texture and shape deceive.  
  
"Are you sure she's not too heavy for you?"  
"Jeeze, Raph, just because I don't lift weights sixteen hours a day -"  
"I'm just asking. Keep your shell on."  
"Well, if you want to carry her, just ask that. Don't get all 'Is the baby tired?' on me, okay?"  
"Okay, okay."  
"Okay."  
"So - can I carry her?"  
"What?"  
"I'm curious, all right? Don't tell me you're not dyin' to measure her cranium or something, Donny."  
"Well. Actually, I am."  
"See?"  
"We should limit contact as much as - guys?"  
"I thought hair would be softer than this."  
"Too small a sample, Raph. Besides, remember all that spray and stuff they advertise on TV? Hair is complicated. Who knows what she's got in it."  
"Oh, that is too weird."  
"You think that's bizzaro? Check out her arms - they're fuzzy."  
"Well, they are mammals, Mike."  
"They look so smooth on TV."  
"Knock it off. We can't be - Raph, stop that. We should be quarantining her. Back me up on this, Don."  
"Dude, we live in the sewers. What can she have that we haven't got already?"  
"I'm not worried about us, Mike, I'm worried about her. We could be carrying something she has no immunity for."  
"Oh boy. Leo's right. Why didn't I think of that?"  
"Um - maybe you can carry her now, Raph."  
"Maybe not, doofus."  
"This is why we needed to think first. What's going to happen after she wakes up?"  
"I was thinking we could call her Red."  
"She's a person, Mike, not a Fraggle. She's got a name and a life, family, friends. Maybe people who are looking for her right now. People who could find us instead."

There are silences in dreams that mean more than any words could. Long despondent quiet fills your head.  
  
"Guess I really screwed up, huh Leo?"  
"No. I'm sorry I yelled."  
'We couldn't have left her there, Mikey. There could be more of those mouser things around."  
"And even you know we couldn't take her to a hospital. You did good, in a goofball kind of way."  
"Gee, thanks, Raph."  
"We did good. We'll just have to hope Master Splinter knows what to do next. Oh, and Mikey -"  
"Yeah, Leo?"  
"Could - uh. Could I carry her?"

Laughter heals and makes the strange arms carrying you warmer. A whisper of reassurance ("Don't worry, you're safe with us") floats in the air. Is it for you or meant only among the dream voices?

"Okay, coast is clear, Leo."  
"She can sleep in my room."  
"The couch, Mike. Then we'll have to go tell - oh. Um. Good morning, sensei."  
"Uh-oh."  
"Busted."  
"Crud."

There are silences you don't want to be a part of, even in dreams.  
  
"You will explain this."  
"Master Splinter, I - I -"  
"It's not Leo's fault, sensei. He was tryin' to stop me and -"  
"When the mouser started working, I just ran after it -"  
"I picked her up, sensei, I did that. But we couldn't just -"  
"Stop. Leonardo, put the young woman on the couch. Has she been injured?"  
"I don't think so, sensei. She fainted when - um."  
"When she saw you, I imagine."  
"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry. I couldn't think of anything else to do."  
"We will discuss that presently. For now, bring a pillow and a blanket."  
"Awesome. We can keep her - ow!"  
"Doofus."

Dreams are not to be trusted. The thing to remember is there is a safety, an escape hatch. If it gets too weird, you can always wake up.  
  
Right?


End file.
